The ONE Mistake Sabotaging your Recovery from Imposter Syndrome (Why “Fake it ’til you Make it” Fails Every Time)

Do you want to feel confident in your abilities and trust yourself more?

Do you want to be able to take on new challenges without the constant fear of failing?

Do you want to stop letting fear of being visible keep you from showing up for your business?

Yep, you don’t have to be a doctor to know you’ve got…Imposter Syndrome.

It’s that nagging voice that whispers (or sometimes yells!) that you’re not good enough, that you’re a fraud, and any day now, everyone’s going to find out. 

I get it. I’ve been there. (If we haven’t met yet, I’m Naomi – hi! 🙋🏻)

Yes, even as a fully licensed psychologist, with access to all the knowledge and research out there (or so I thought…), I was struggling to find a real answer.

For decades, I was hiding my ideas and expertise behind crippling self-doubt and uncertainty. I thought if I just learned more or achieved more – proved myself more – then I would earn my confidence (like a good little Girl Scout 😇).

Like you, I saw all the classic advice online, promising to have the answer…

It was all some variation of “fake it til you make it!” or “make a list of all your amazing qualities!” – all in the service of forcing a “mindset shift.”

And that made sense – sort of.

But here’s what I found for myself and for my clients when I used these techniques (often called “challenging negative thoughts” in therapy or self-help-speak 🤓):

These tips might give you a little boost, but let’s be real—they never lead to deep, lasting change. 

Why?

The Short-lived Benefits of Listing Your Truly Amazing Qualities

Making a list of your awesome traits and achievements can feel good in the moment. 

It’s nice to remind yourself of what you’ve accomplished so far and what you bring to the table. 🤩

But here’s the thing…

How many times do you look at those accomplishments and hear a voice downplay them anyway – “I just got lucky” or “I didn’t really deserve that award. She was so much better than I was.”

And even if you acknowledge them…

When you’re deeply entrenched in Imposter Syndrome, a little – or even a loooong – list isn’t enough to counteract years (or even decades) of self-doubt and societal conditioning. (more on that in a minute…)

The Myth of “Fake It Till You Make It”

And then there’s the old “fake it til you make it” line.

Sure, pretending to be confident might get you through that big presentation or help you muster the courage to speak up in a meeting. 

But what happens next time? 

You’re back to square one, feeling like you’re still just pretending.

So why doesn’t it work to “fake it til you make it”? 

Because you’re relying on external validation to prop up your confidence, rather than truly believing in yourself.

Isn’t that what “faking it” is? Making yourself look – on the outside – like something you don’t feel on the inside. 🥸

And what does “making it” really mean here? Getting a promotion, landing that client, smashing that presentation, earning that award…all just more external validation of your “worthiness.” 

Hmm, didn’t you already make a list of past external validations 👆? 

And, remind me, how did that go in busting your Imposter Syndrome? (Yeah, you’re not alone, it didn’t do much for mine either…😢)

So, why doesn’t external validation work…?

The Problem with External Validation (and the Internal Solution 🎉)

Most of us have been told from a young age—by magazines, TV, and now social media—that we have to be a certain way to be loved, worthy, or even taken seriously. 

You spend years (even decades) trying to mold yourself into – or to pretend to be – someone you’re not (even though the real you was already uniquely ahhhmazing!). 

So it’s not surprising that when you need to believe in yourself, in your accomplishments, there’s always that voice in the back – or loudly front and center – saying “Hmm, but that person – the one I’ve been pretending to be, so that I can achieve more or please everyone else – she isn’t really me.” 🤷🏻‍♀️

And let’s not forget all the “subtle” experiences that pile up along the way, convincing you that you’re not good enough or not worthy – like constantly being ignored, dismissed, talked over, or passed over…😤 

And that’s before heaping on other, less subtle, experiences you may have had over the years —including verbal or emotional abuse, physical or sexual assault, or negative childhood experiences.

Every one of these experiences – big or “little” – creates or reinforces a brain network or nervous system state of defense, making you feel like you need to stay “safe” by staying small.

One of the best things about your brain and nervous system is that they are incredibly adaptive, but over time they can get stuck in these defensive states due to repeated negative experiences. 

Think of it like this: every time you face criticism, get ignored, or feel undervalued, your brain takes note – through signals from your nervous system – of how your body feels in that moment…

Which is…not good, right? Palms sweat, heart races, feels like you’re gonna be seeing that kale salad again soon (and you didn’t even enjoy it the first time 🤦🏻‍♀️). 

Your brain gets this message of complete misery and starts to create – or reinforce – a network of neural pathways that associate these experiences with danger. 

Over time, these pathways become well-worn, like a hiking trail in the woods that gets easier to follow the more it’s used. 

This is your brain’s way of trying to protect you.

But it also means that your nervous system stays on high alert, ready to jump into defense mode at the slightest hint of a threat. 🫣

Your brain has become like a security system that’s been set to ultra-sensitive mode. Every time you’re about to speak up in a meeting, your brain sends out an alarm: “Danger! Danger! You’re about to get hurt or humiliated!” 

Your nervous system kicks in, flooding your body with stress hormones. Your heart races, your palms sweat, and your mind goes blank. 

This response is automatic and deeply ingrained because your brain is trying to keep you safe based on past experiences, even if those threats aren’t present anymore.

Even if it means keeping you small.

Because, here’s the thing…

Your brain doesn’t care if you succeed at work, feel fulfilled or achieve your dreams.

Your brain is only concerned with one thing: your literal survival, not your…thrive-al 🤔 (ok, not a word, but I’m using it – confidently!). 

➡️   What does this mean for your clingy Imposter Syndrome?

Your brain will never rate external validation – the recognition of your accomplishments or greatness – as more important than the possibility of threat. 

No matter how big the award or promotion, your brain and nervous system will ignore it as long as they perceive a threat to your safety.

So, if you want to break out of these patterns, and confidently go after your dreams, it requires more than just willpower, positive thinking or even “making it.” 

Truly smashing Imposter Syndrome – for good – requires reprogramming your brain and calming your nervous system so that you can genuinely feel safe in situations that used to trigger you. 

So your brain no longer views these objectively safe situations as “threatening” – and then it can recognize all your amazing qualities and achievements.

Then you won’t just know but actually feel how truly amazing you are – at your core.

From Fear of Visibility to Proud Business Boss

Take Corinne, for example. She is an incredible creator and business owner, with lots of amazing ideas that inspire her clients. 

But, for years, she struggled with self-doubt and a fear of being visible – worrying about what others would think of her work, her message and her content. 🫣

She often tried to copy what others – who she saw being successful – were putting out in the world rather than being herself and attracting more of the clients that would be her raving fans – if only they knew her!

After trying “trick” after “hack” after “quick fix” to get over her fear, Corinne learned how her brain and nervous system were unintentionally sabotaging her attempts to “push through” and put herself out there. 

We used proven, research-backed and neuroscience-based strategies to retrain her brainwave patterns and reset her nervous system. 

In just a few weeks, she found herself being more resilient in the face of challenges because her system was more flexible – putting her in just the right state for whatever came her way and helping her get back up again when the inevitable mistakes of business and innovation happened. 💃🏽

And a few months later, as we finished our work together, feeling genuinely safe in her body and mind for the first time in many years, she had overcome her Imposter Syndrome – for good. 

From that point on, Corinne has proudly celebrated the little and big wins – and there have been many! 

She’s thriving in her business, loving what she does and telling everyone she can about her incredible work. 😃

Confident and Comfortable in Your Own Skin

While Corinne is unique in many ways (as we all are!), her struggle is not.

Anyone can experience the confidence, clarity and certainty that Corinne now has.

By working directly with your brainwave patterns and teaching your nervous system to experience safety consistently, you can start to unravel those old, defensive pathways. 

Over time, this leads to a profound shift – you no longer feel the need to “fake it” because you’re truly becoming confident and comfortable in your own skin. 

You’ll no longer hear that voice telling you that you can’t do something because you’ll be “bad” at it.

The only thing you’ll be BAD at is being anything but yourself.

Ask yourself…what would you do with an unshakable core of confidence? ✨

Demand a raise 💰? 

Land more clients? 

Be irresistibly in-demand 😎?

Have more mutually satisfying relationships (in every sense 😉)?

Pursue all your innovative or creative ideas 🤩 instead of keeping them locked in your head, hidden from the world?

Don’t worry, you don’t have to choose just one. The possibilities are endless!

And if – right now – that all sounds too scary to ask for, remember, that’s just your current nervous system trying to keep you “safe.” 

It won’t feel scary when you’re on the other side – when your nervous system is more flexible and resilient. 💃🏽

In fact, asking for – or doing – what you want will feel natural. 

You won’t even second-guess it. You’ll just DO.

➡️ Ready to smash your Imposter Syndrome from the inside out? 

Discover if your nervous system holds the key to overcoming imposter syndrome by getting the only Nervous System Self-Screener FREE. 

This tool will help you understand if your current nervous system state is contributing to the challenges you’re facing and guide you toward a life where calm, joy, and confidence flow naturally from within. 

Start your journey toward lasting transformation today—you deserve to thrive and live fully. 💫